i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
two words...techno handjob
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
