i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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