Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
