It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
