So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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