is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
