do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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