When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize