I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
