I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
