You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
