i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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