I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your penis caused this!
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