Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize