is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
