There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
