so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize