I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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