U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
