she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
