census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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