You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this boner is exhausting
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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