So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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