so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
