Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
