Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
