between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize