I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
