lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Randomize
