Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
