you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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