I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
