Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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