well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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