I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
