News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
