I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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