Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
