sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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