I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
