Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize