My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
