I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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