and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
