All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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