I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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