There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
