What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
