VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
