I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
