Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
