he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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