Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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