Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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