The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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