Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize