I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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