I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
