I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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