your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
