Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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