last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I party with great urgency now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
