I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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