when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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