i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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