He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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