yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
