Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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