she looked like the before picture.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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