did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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