Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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