Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
