We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
