You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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