Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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