Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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