He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
