watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
