Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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