If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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