Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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