@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
