At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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