he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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