He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
