3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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